


Social Networking

by Katefkndoes



Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-23
Updated: 2011-10-23
Packaged: 2017-10-24 21:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/268182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katefkndoes/pseuds/Katefkndoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is forced to teach Steve all about modern technology, and is surprised by the results.</p><p>Edited April 2012</p>
            </blockquote>





	Social Networking

**Author's Note:**

> Already posted on Cap-ironman on Livejournal.

Tony had always hated idiots. Really hated them, as in despised them with a fiery passion. He hated people who had to be told to make something of their life.  Hell, he hated people who had to be told to do things they should _understand_  directly benefited them.  He appreciated that he was hardly a shining example of an honest hard-working professional, but he also figured that since he was a certified genius, he couldn’t be expected to conform to social normalcies.  Plus, there was no chance that anyone could justify calling him an idiot (arrogance and self-obsessed did not an imbecile make), and anyway, he _certainly_ didn’t consider himself to be an idiot.  And that was what was really important -he had no problem allowing that he was a textbook narcissist.

He had been through five personal assistants before he had finally found Pepper, because all of the other applicants insisted on pestering him with inane questions regarding their duties, or, worse yet, they had the audacity to stand around and not even _try_ to seem busy.  In truth, Tony had very little idea what Pepper actually did, (besides organizing his life), but she always looked busy and he very rarely had to deal with the fallout which generally ensued when he was left to his own devices.  In fact, she was so good at sheltering him from his pet peeves that he had almost completely forgotten how much he loathed idiots.

His hatred had only been reiterated when he had been _persuaded_ by Fury, (the rat bastard knew exactly how to test his patience), to teach Thor how to use a standard issue communications device.  The Demi-God was pretty much the most technologically adverse person he had ever had the misfortune of dealing with – and that included Justin Hammer.  He hadn’t been very enthusiastic when Fury had handed him the mission, and he had been even less impressed after the third holographic screen had been destroyed by the blond’s careless manner.  Everyone got frustrated when they didn’t understand but Thor had fried half the circuits in his apartment when he wielded Mjolnir against the helpless device.

So, when it had finally been decided that he been tasked with Captain Rogers’ technological education, he had actually shuddered in despair.  Sure, the guy had been his childhood hero, but he couldn’t help the sinking feeling that cascaded down his torso at the mere thought of suffering through another failed attempt at educating someone who had trouble understanding the sufferance between a PC and a Mac.  He was definitely not a teacher by nature, and he had absolutely no idea what he should expect when he first met the Captain.

However, it was a fair assessment to say that he had built the time-shifted man up to be a bumbling idiot who couldn’t deal with the notion of color television, let alone the notion of isomorphic controls or variable interchange circuits.  Hell, Tony had half convinced himself that Captain America would stare at his cell phone in suspicious as though it were some sort of magic trick.

Turns out, he had been completely and utterly wrong.

“Fucking phone.”  The second phone had lasted slightly longer than the first, but Steve (as he had instructed Tony to call him), hadn’t managed to do anything all that constructive with him.  Well, actually he had, at least, managed to answer an incoming call from JARVIS which was more than Thor had been capable of after far more exposure.  It wasn’t the inability to use a cell phone that surprised Tony (name one nonagenarian actually managed to do it well?).  What shocked him were the expletives that Steve (and he may have giggled slightly when he thought about calling Captain America, Steve), seemed to band around so casually.  He had fully expected there to be a lot of ‘Jeepers’ and ‘Goshs’ and maybe even the odd ‘Jiminiy’, but he was pleasantly surprised to have been proven incorrect and he was actually beginning to enjoy teaching the Captain.  And who the hell saw that coming, because he certainly hadn’t?

The shock was only increased when the youthful-looking, technically-older (and wasn’t _that_ a head-trip), man had raised the subject of text sex.  In fact, that had been just about the last thing Tony had been expecting Steve to ask him about.  Fortunately, Tony had an appropriate video ready to show him how it worked… or at least how Tony assumed it worked.  Barney Stinson couldn’t be wrong about women, could he?

So, he’d let Steve loose on his television, (which, he had actually complained was smaller than the one in the Avengers Tower) to watch the legen-dary episode of the popular situational comedy and retired to his own home to the company of JARVIS and a _very_ stiff drink.

Later that night, he received a text message.  One character. **“?”** His initial response was to check that he hadn’t simply hallucinated who had sent it to him.  Upon confirming that it had been Steve, his first thought was, _didn’t know the Captain swung that was_ , and the second was, _who cares its Captain America, just go with it._

__

And that was exactly how he found himself rocking up to Steve’s small, but admittedly well-kept, apartment at three am on a frosty February morning.  The Captain opened the door, and Tony nearly choked on his own tongue at the vision before him.  The usually smartly dressed blond was clad in loose fitting slacks that seemed to hang lower than usual on his hips, and yet somehow managed to cling to the curve of his exceptional ass (and Tony had admired his fair share).  Oh, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt, which was just about enough to render Tony mute.  _Better not tell Fury about this,_ he thought dumbly.

“One order of male perfection…” Steve stared at him.  “Did I say that out loud?”  Steve nodded and Tony nodded his head in a kind of satirical acceptance.  Evidently, the cosmos had it out for him as well.

“Tony, uh,” Steve faltered; shifting from foot to foot, and Tony couldn’t help but appreciate the hypnotic shift of his muscles, “what are you doing here?”  The sinking feeling of dread had hit him long before Steve had finished his sentence, because it was obvious that he had misread the situation.

“You text me?”  Tony replied, his voice hitching in a manner he was not accustomed to.  In truth, he wanted to hold onto the hope that his potential night of debauchery with Steve might still go ahead.  However, Steve looked at him with a somewhat confused expression and a red hue had risen across his body, from which Tony deduced he had _definitely_ misunderstood the intention of the text.  “I figured it had to be important?”  The lie came naturally to him, and he was thankful of small mercies.  “I thought it might be an emergency so I came right over,” he shrugged in what he hoped was an nonchalant manner.

“I text _you?”_   Steve’s inflection implied that it was a question; however it appeared to be rhetorical because he added, “I meant to text Natasha.”  _Well that figures_ , Tony thought as Steve blushed furiously but stepped back to grant him access to his humble abode.

Tony was tempted to make up some excuse and leave the man alone with his phone, since he highly doubted whether Natasha (or anyone else of sane mind) would decline the opportunity to test Captain America’s physical endurance.  Hell, she was probably already taking photos of herself to send on her journey over, just to put him in the mood.  And God, Tony wouldn’t have minded getting a look at those.

Steve shuffled awkwardly in the doorway for a few moments, and Tony felt a twinge of regret climb up his spine and tingle behind his ears at the sight, so he had put aside his own awkwardness and joined the blond inside his apartment.

“How the hell did you manage to text me when you meant to text her?”  Tony blurted out as soon as the door was shut, and he was fairly sure that he did a piss-poor job of keeping the bitterness out of his voice as he did.

“You’re next to her in my phonebook, so I guess I pressed the wrong button.”  Steve shrugged, obviously failing to realize that Tony was more than slightly perturbed.

“In what alphabet is N next to T?”  _That_ , Tony thought, had definitely sounded bitter.  “I mean…” he tailed off.  What did he mean?

“I have exactly six people in my phonebook,” Steve said by way of explanation, and he blushed again, which did nothing to stop Tony’s brain from spinning.  Although, he was fairly sure that the haze surrounding his thoughts was probably because Steve _still_ wasn’t wearing a shirt.

“So how the hell does that put me next to Romanov?  Please God don’t tell me you alphabetize by surname because _I’m_ not in the military?”  Steve shook his head.  “And surely, you have Pepper’s number so I don’t understand why…” He was mid-rant when Steve cut him off, and really if Steve didn’t have Pepper’s number then he was the only person of importance who didn’t because she was just so damn organized when it came to social networking.

“I can’t put Pepper under ‘Pepper’, Tony.”  Steve sounded vaguely scandalized, and that, Tony thought, was the Steve Rogers he had expected when they first met.  Nevertheless, he raised a querying eyebrow in way of response.  “Her name is Virginia, it just wouldn’t be proper.”  The billionaire had blinked several times at that because it made just about as much sense as a bikini made of ice cream – which would be a pretty good invention as far as he was concerned.

“But everyone calls her Pepper… _you_ call her Pepper!”  Tony failed to see the logical, since he was literally the first time he had ever heard the super soldier refer to Pepper by her given name.

“Yes, but…” Steve began to respond, but Tony was having far too much fun with his chosen line of argument to have it ruined by Steve’s tendency to talk in nonsensical sentences.

“You wanted to get Romanov over for a booty call, but it’s not _proper_ to call Pepper, Pepper?”  The smirk that graced his face was deeply satisfying, especially when it caused Steve to cast a beautiful smile his way.

“I never claimed my kind of logic always makes sense,” he admitted easily.  Tony couldn’t help but notice that the slight smile made Steve look even younger than he actually was – which was already young enough as far as Tony was concerned.  There was something deeply troubling about your childhood hero being brought back to life and being younger than you.

“Learn to work your phone, Rogers.”  He ordered, laughing slightly at the absurdity of the situation as he threw himself down on Steve’s couch.

“Yes, Sir!”  Steve grinned – the five thousand watt smile that the press went absolutely (justifiably), crazy for – and Tony had been unable to think clearly for the rest of the evening.

** *** **

Tony hated idiots, he really did, but he couldn’t hate Steve at all, because when, two days later, he had showed up at Stark mansion for their next ‘lesson’, he had somehow, not only mastered the art of text messaging, but also, apparently, social networking.  The change in Steve was obvious, and he had gone from being a fumbling technophobe to a stereotypical yuppy – did people still use that term, yet another reminder that Tony was getting old – who was attached to his phone.

“What the hell are you doing?”  Tony couldn’t help but half-demand, as Steve tapped away on his phone as if he hadn’t been frozen in the artic for seventy years.

“I’m on Twitter,” Steve replied, biting his lip as his fingers moved like lightening across the touch screen.  Steve wasn’t even looking what he was going, which usually took people months of nonsensical text messaging to achieve, but that didn’t mean that he noticed the obvious look of shock which had spread like a fire across Tony’s face.

“Twitter?”  Tony asked incredulously, unwilling to believe this was the same man who had accidently booty-called him only two days previously.  Steve answered his question with a nod, as though it was a bit of a stupid question, as though Tony were the idiot, and Tony rather felt like he’d jumped head first into the twilight zone.  “As in the largest social networking website?” Tony clarified, just in case one of the other Avengers had managed to trick the Captain into believing that Angry Birds was twitter or some shit like that.

“I think you’ll find that’s still Facebook… though I’m reliably informed that Twitter is catching up.”  Now, Tony didn’t have a clear line of sight to a mirror but he was certain that his mouth had actually gaped at that point.  _Captain America_ , the man who had been resurrected from the dead and should be an anachronism had a grasp of the internet.  “Besides, I tried to use Facebook and Darcy kept trying to poke me…” Steve sounded somewhat confused by the phone notion and Tony couldn’t help but laugh slightly.  At least, he thought resignedly, some of the nuances of the internet had thus-far eluded Steve.  

“She probably just wanted you to give her a good poke back,” Tony had replied before he realized that his mouth had moved (which was certainly not an odd occurrence), but it had seemingly gone straight over Steve’s head.  The Captain raised an eyebrow and Tony waved his hand dismissively.  “Anyway, why have you got a Twitter?”  Steve didn’t reply straight away, instead he busied himself with typing away on his phone before he finally replied.

“Apparently, because I’m awesome,” Steve held up his phone as he responded.

“Did you just ask your followers why you were on Twitter?”  Tony definitely felt like he was in the Twilight Zone, especially when he pulled out his own phone and looked at his own Twitter application.  “Dude, you have like twelve thousand follower… in three hours… how is that even possible?”  Steve looked momentarily down at his screen in clear contemplation of asking his followers again, before Tony chastised him.  “Do _not_ ask your followers why you have so many followers!”  Steve, being used to following ordered, did as he was told, even if he did look somewhat dejected.  And Tony really wasn’t thinking about that.  “And who did you manage to convince to set you up a Twitter, cos I’m sure as hell that Fury didn’t authorize it.”  Actually, Tony hadn’t thought about that until he’d said it, and the thought only caused him to admire Steve more.

“Oh,” Steve shrugged; his hulking shoulders making the action look more animated that it actually was.  “I did it myself,” he grinned.  Tony blinked several times.

“Two days ago you couldn’t even send a text message to the right _fricking_ person and now you’re setting up a Twitter account?”  Steve looked at him in silence for a moment.  “Just so we’re clear on the matter that _is_ what you’re telling me right?”

“Well, I’m…” Steve paused, a slight blush creeping across his handsome features.  “I guess, I’m a fast learner.”  He smiled coyly and Tony had stared at him for a long time but had accepted the logic without any further questions.  

Steve, he decided, was better when he was not analyzed.  

** *** **

Steve, as it turned out, was a very fast learner.  In fact, he was an _exceptionally_ fast learner.  Tony found it almost disconcerting how quickly the super soldier had managed to pick up a broad knowledge of modern technology, when there were no great battles for him to focus his attentions on.  And Tony had to respect the man’s inability to sit still and do nothing, because, if nothing else, it reminded him or himself. 

Plus, he had to give Steve credit; there were very few people who could have mastered the art of computer engineering in a little over two weeks.

“Let me get this straight, you have _zero_ interest in contemporary music and you haven’t seen a film more recent than Superman…” Tony had been all set to rant about the many brilliant films which had followed that particular comic book adaptation but Steve cut him off.

“Dude, they made a man fly,” Steve explained excitedly, and judging by his use of the colloquial term he had been spending too much time with Clint.  Still, Tony could see why Steve would be excited by a film about a flying big, blue, Boy Scout, but he wasn’t about to point that out.

“I can fly,” Tony muttered somewhat indignantly.

“It’s not the same,” Steve shrugged, his blue eyes twinkling is wonder.  “I remember when the first comic came out,” he added somewhat wistfully.  Tony had a hard time connecting _that_ Steve Rogers with the one who seemed to embrace the twenty first century with ease.

“Well, anyway,” he said somewhat awkwardly, “they’ve done it many times on film since.”  He gave a sort of awkward half smile.  “And stop interrupting me,” he added after a beat.  “Anyway, you have, like, _zero_ interest in contemporary culture…” Steve cut him off once more.

“I don’t think that’s…” Tony silenced him with a look which suggested that it probably wasn’t wise to test his patience.

“ _You_ have _zero_ interest in contemporary culture,” Tony started again, unwilling to allow himself to be interrupted, “and yet you have decided that you need to know how to strip down an iMac to its basic components and…” he cast a glance over Steve’s shoulder to see exactly what he was doing, “… change the capacitors on the mainboard.”  Tony smile slightly despite himself, it wouldn’t have been a difficult task for him, but he was a renowned mechanical engineer, not a man out of time.

“I guess being friends with Howard rubbed off on me or something,” Steve shrugged, obviously somewhat embarrassed at suddenly being the center of Tony’s attention.

“No!”  Tony half-yelled, a frown etching wrinkles into his forehead.  “It doesn’t work that way, Dad didn’t even use a proper computer until twenty years after you were frozen.”  Steve’s logic was, not for the first time, quite clearly flawed and Tony felt the need, like a petulant child, to point it out.

“It’s still so odd to hear you call him dad,” Steve lamented, and Tony missed the slight quiver in the soldiers voice because he was too busy fighting his own demons.  Howard Stark had certainly left a legacy.

“Believe me, it’d be better for me if I couldn’t.”  Despite the fact that he’d had some of his childhood demons banished by his father’s video confession that he had been the best thing he had ever created (although Howard’s phrasing had been entirely self-obsessed), he found that notion particularly hard to believe when Steve Rogers – _Captain America_ – was sat before him.

“…” Steve let out a breath.

“That sounded kind of bitter, didn’t it?”  Tony appreciated his error as Steve’s face contorted into one of poorly veiled sympathy.

“Kind of?”  The blond admitted, and Tony liked that Steve had not bothered to hide the truth.

“I should work on that,” he sighed, handing Steve a star-tripped screwdriver and joining him at the table.  Steve had merely nodded in agreement before returning his full attention to the stripped down computer.

The only word that Tony had been able to comfortable associate with Steve at that moment was Enigma – and he had to laugh at the potential pun involved in that considering the service Captain America had done for his country.

***

Three days after that awkward encounter, Tony woke up to find that JARVIS was a lot less sarcastic than he had been the previous night, and he was absolutely certain that Steve had something to do with it.  He was positive that it was the Super Soldier since everyone else had the good sense to find an ironic computer amusing, but Steve had taken exception to it.  Acrimoniously, Tony was certain the animosity the soldier felt towards the AI was merely a direct response to the fact that he simply did not appreciate modern wit – but he would obviously not tell Steve that.

Still, it was rather alarming that Steve had managed to alter JARVIS’s core programming at all, since he, (it pained Tony to refer to JARVIS as an ‘it’), was just about the most sophisticated artificial intelligence on the face of the planet.  In fact, if the Defense Department had kept their files half as well-protected as him then there would be far fewer security leaks.  Despite this, Steve had managed to make changes.

The only factor that had prevented Tony from having a private meltdown at his baby being defiled was that he had given Steve privileges in his house and he had not been able to hack into the system off his own back.  Nevertheless, access to his systems was one thing and access to JARVIS was a completely different one.  He wouldn’t say he was resentful of the Captain’s burgeoning skill, but it was becoming a little unsettling.

“I don’t think you need any more lessons,” Tony muttered, as he strolled into the too-bright kitchen in his scruffs and was quietly thankful for the sunglasses that he had perched securely over his eyes.  It had been a long night, and the last thing he felt like dealing with was the ramifications of Steve’s apparently insane computer genius and fix JARVIS.  “You could probably teach me stuff by now…” he added offhandedly, as he joined the rather perplexed looking blond at the table.

“I didn’t order a side of bitterness with my breakfast.”  Steve replied, and Tony opened his mouth four times before he managed to mutter out a suitable replied, such was his shock at the Captain’s rather sassy comment.  Two things were certain: Steve was spending _far_ too much time with Clint and Darcy, and he’d obviously been paying attention to modern humor after all.

“Well, I feel entitled to a little bitterness.”  Usually, Tony would have bitten back with a sharp tongued comment, but it was far too early for his brain to have completely engaged and he was thrown by Steve’s snarky behavior.

“Have I done something to annoy you?”  Tony briefly considered letting up at Steve about altering his AI without his permission, but he didn’t think his head could cope with the resulting slanging match.

“Not especially,” he shrugged instead, pouring himself a cup of black coffee and avoiding all eye contact.

“Then what’s with the aggression?”  Steve’s eyes looked bluer than usual in the bright light of the kitchen and for some inexplicable reason that spurred on Tony’s annoyance.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean?”  The billionaire answered smugly.

“Hmm,” the Captain looked slightly crestfallen and wrung out his hands.  “I thought you’d be happy that Fury was off you back,” he said, referring to Tony’s dislike of the Colonel only managed to anger him further.

“That man will never be off my case,” he spat out, channeling his annoyance with Steve onto Fury.

“Doesn’t the sound of his voice just drive you crazy?”  Steve replied, his voice full of a venom which Tony might have found striking if he hadn’t been too busy nodding along.  “It’s like, sometimes, you just want to be alone and have some space and then BANG, he’s there.”  Steve banged the table, but Tony managed to forgive him because hearing Fury’s Golden Boy ranting about the thing that annoyed Tony the most about him was pretty damn satisfying.  “He’s a fucking browbeater,” Tony laughed despite his earlier annoyance.

“You know you’re not exactly what I expected,” he confessed, and Steve arched a vaguely amused eyebrow, so Tony decided to elaborate.  “I mean you curse…” he was cut off by Steve.

“I was in the army…” Steve shrugged, but Tony continued.

“You’re funny…” Steve had an answer for that as well.

“Why thank you, I do try.”  Tony was slightly amused by how quickly Steve had managed to interject that little comment.

“You’re smarter than you look.”  Perhaps it wasn’t the most flattering appraisal but it was certainly accurate.  Most people would look at Steve and expect him to be ill equipped to deal with the arduous task of catching up on seventy years of history, let alone gain a comprehensive understanding of computers.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Steve sounded somewhat unsure of his assumption.

“I’ve gotta be honest with you,” Tony found himself smiling.  “I didn’t imagine… I mean, you’re wearing slacks and a checkered shirt, you do realize that makes you look very…” he struggled to think of the least offensive word, “…wholesome?”  Steve looked at him, his right eyebrow practically in his hair.  But Tony failed to notice because he was too busy allowing his mouth to get ahead of his brain.  “And you’re totally not, which is…” he took a breath and tried to sound less like a Valley Girl, “… a positive.”  He added after a beat.

 “I’m just a man.”  Tony rather thought Steve was missing the point.

“Yes, but do you have to be good at everything you do?”  There was resentment in his tone once more, but he didn’t mean in it maliciously.

“As opposed to you, who’s obviously terrible at everything?”  Steve rolled his eyes in derision.  “You ordered me to learn to use my phone so I did!”  When Steve put it like that, Tony found it was rather hard to be mad at him, and also very cool that  _Captain America_  had done as he had asked. 

“Yes,” he said after a moment, and Steve laughed slightly.  “But did you really have to try so hard?”  Steve laughed and the sound was rich and infectious in the spacious kitchen.

“S’fine, I’ve had my fill of computers now...” Tony looked up at him and immediately felt like the world’s biggest asshole.  “Think I’ll move into a more conventional science.”

“I’m sure Darcy would  _ LOVE _  to assist you with some basic Biology.”  They shared an amused smile.  It had become a running joke that the young student had what Pepper had called ‘a bit of a crush’ on Steve, but while she was a good hearted girl Steve had insisted she was too young for him.  Despite the fact that, in terms of physical age at least, they were pretty much on a par.

Nevertheless, the jokes from the rest of the Avengers had been pretty constant since her affections became public knowledge.

****

****

** *** **

Tony hadn’t seen Steve for almost a week after that and was even beginning to regret his previous hostility towards him, which was a feeling that Tony was not altogether accustomed to.  To compound his feeling of regret, he had reprogrammed JARVIS and the computer’s constant need to belittle him was really beginning to grate on him to the point where he had even considered making Steve’s additions to the programming a permanent fixture – a fact that managed to both annoy him  _ and _  make him smile all at the same time. 

Then, quite out of the blue, he received a text message which was one character long a mere character long. 

****

**? **

Tony stared at his phone for an excruciatingly long moment, and paced across his workshop several times before he finally replied.

** You really ought to learn how to converse with the correct people! **

Regardless of his prior knowledge that Steve had no intention of texting him for a booty call, Tony had pulled on his coat and headed over to his apartment.  He figured that it could be something approaching an emergency, and he wasn’t altogether sure whether the Captain completely understood what he was doing.  Or, at least, that is what he had told himself.  There was a distinct twist in his gut that made him wonder whether his subconscious wasn’t, _still_ , hopeful of a potential hook up with Captain America.

When he arrived at the apartment, he was welcomed by a pant-tighteningly delicious image. The confusingly older man was in a similar state of undress as he had been the first time they had been in this situation, except this time he wore jeans that hung low on his hips, and Tony wondered whether the Captain had a particular dislike for shirts because he sure as hell didn’t look uncomfortable to be found shirtless – yet _again_.

“You’re wearing jeans.” Tony said, sounding like an auditionee for one of those dumb reality television shows and hating himself for it.  It was almost obscene how low those jeans were and he couldn’t stop staring at the line of hip bone as it sunk down under the contrasting blue of the denim.

“I... yeah,” Steve fumbled, perhaps in embarrassment at being openly gawked at, but nevertheless he motioned for Tony to join him in the room. “Darcy got them for me, said that they make my ass look incredible.” He rolled his eyes as he said it, but Tony figured that he must have agreed because otherwise he wouldn’t have been wearing them.   _Barely, wearing them,_ his brain supplied.  In fact, in the time Tony had known him, he had never seen Steve wear anything other than the kind of slacks his father had been fond of.  But all thoughts of his father were forgotten as soon as the blond turned to lead him through to the lounge and he saw exactly what the young student had meant.

“Yeah, I can see that,” he said somewhat distractedly, to which Steve shot him a brilliantly white smile that made Tony want to do all kinds of unspeakably awful things to him.  To prevent further embarrassment Tony concluded that the best course of action was to resort to his humor.  “I have two questions that I just can’t help but ask.” He said after a moment, trying to look anywhere but the ridges of Steve’s hipbones as they sank into the waistband of his ass-hugging jeans.  “Firstly, do you have something against shirts?” Steve blushed, and the red hue travelled down from his face, down his neck and across his chest and in no way did that arouse Tony.  “And secondly, are you ever going to learn to check who you’re texting?”  His voice sounded slightly strangled, but he hoped he was just imagining it.

“Huh?”  Steve looked genuinely baffled, which meant that Tony was going to have to explain. To wit, he concluded that his plan of salvation by humor was greatly flawed.

“Your text?”  Tony’s voice was definitely strained that time.  “The Barney Stinson booty call that you  _still_  didn’t manage to send to Natasha.”  It was an incredibly frustrating situation, but it was made worse by the fact that his voice had jumped almost an entire octave by the time he finished his sentence.

“Oh.”  If Tony had not seen it with his own eyes he would have thought it impossible for a man to blush over his whole body, but somehow Steve had done exactly that.  The hue rose across his face and cascaded over the firm pectoral muscles that Tony felt the urge to reach out and touch – which was never a good sign.  “That was meant for you...” Tony’s momentary hope was crushed as the blond continued. “It’s just that, well... did I do something to piss you off?”  He didn’t quite know what to say to that, and he really needed to stop staring.

“You need to stay away from Darcy; she’s making you sound like a hormonal adolescent.”  _Which is just as well because I’m acting like one._  It was in such inconceivably awkward times that Tony really hated his smart-assed internal monologue.

“At least she talks to me, treats me like a person, not like her granddad.”  Steve sighed in frustration, which was unusual coming from the Captain.  Every time Tony thought he had the other man figured out he did something to surprise him, which, admittedly, was probably why he felt so compelled to be around him.

“I find it hard to believe that anyone would treat you like their granddad.”  Tony looked the taller man up and down appreciatively, but the look on Steve’s face suggested that it was not an appropriate time to vaguely flirt and he focused on his face instead.

“Looks aren’t everything.”  Steve shrugged, the muscles in his shoulders bunching as he did.

“You don’t believe that, not really. If you did then you wouldn’t be entertaining company without a shirt.”  Tony couldn’t prevent the smug grin that passed over his lips at that comment.

“It really bothers you that much that I’m not wearing a shirt.”  Steve’s eyebrows knitted together and he crossed his arms somewhat self-consciously over his chest.  If Tony hadn’t known better he would have thought the Captain was weighing his options.

“Not really, I just wanted to see if I could make you blush anymore.” Humor was always the answer.

“...” Steve sighed and squared his jaw which made him look more than a little menacing; perhaps humor wasn’t always the answer.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, “I guess I resent you for being all half-naked and unavailable in my presence.”  That comment was so blatant that an exchange student would have taken the hint, but he was past caring.

“For a smart man you’re really dumb, has anyone ever told you that?”  Steve shook his head in a dismissive manner and his blue eyes felt as though they were boring a whole straight through him.

“All the time, I mainly choose to ignore them.”  That was a sad truth, Pepper had told him many times that he was incapable of feeling normal human emotions, and she was one of his best friends, so what did that say about his state of mind.

“I learned how to use computers.”  The non-sequester caught Tony off-guard.

“I hardly see the logic of that argument.”  It was true; the Captain wasn’t exactly being clear in his reasoning.

“I learned how to use computers because  _you_  like computers.”  Tony blinked several times at that.  “Do you honestly think that I need to know how to ‘social network’.” He rolled his eyes and uncrossed his arms.  “I thought it’d give us something to talk about and then you just stopped talking.”  Tony swallowed the lump in his throat, and it burned in his chest.

“Well, it’s hardly encouraging to have a novice hack into your state of the art home defense system.”  He hadn’t actually meant to sound that aggrieved, given the rather pleasant way the conversation was going, but Steve seemed to find it rather amusing.

“You’ve got to admit that was a pretty smart of me.” He shrugged, shooting Tony another one of his thousand watt smiles.

“It was... disconcerting.”  Tony was failing at utilizing words, which was a highly unusual situation for him, which evidently panicked him and made the situation worse.  “And, anyway, you can’t go around messing with a man’s AI and expect him to be perfectly fine with it.”

“Well then I’m sorry, social etiquette is not my strong suit.”  Steve’s eyebrows knitted together before he added, “Darcy said you’d find it cute.”

“She wanted to torture me.”  He muttered.  The kid was funny, but she relished finding people’s weak points and then sticking the knife in, he made a mental note to destroy her iPod.

“Well, that is a distinct possibility.” Steve nodded in agreement. “But she tried so hard to help me. I mean seriously she actually had to send that text message to you because I didn’t have a clue.”

“What text message?”  This was beginning to get confusing.

“The first one I ever sent you,” he shrugged, as though it was obvious.

“The one meant for Romanov?”  Tony clarified.

“Not so much.”  Steve shifted awkwardly and dragged his hand over the back of his neck.  “I guess, I... and then you were just here, and it was, and I’ve never...” Captain America was stuttering and blushing and it was all because of him, even if Tony didn’t have access to the Iron Man suit he would have felt like he could fly.

“Wait a minute, you meant to text me... like for a hook up.”  Steve nodded mutely and Tony felt the confirmation flow straight down to his cock.  If he was a few years younger he might have thrown a spontaneous dance party at that revelation, as it was he settled for staring at the younger-looking man.

“So then, uh, I thought that if I could show you that we had things in common, then you might....” he shrugged again and wrung out his hands.  “We didn’t really  _ do _  these kinds of things in my day.”  The inflection was clear and Tony couldn’t help but smile.

“Now I see why everyone treats you like their granddad.”  Steve looked distinctly unimpressed, “Sorry,” Tony said sheepishly.  “So you like me, uh?”  He added after an awkward silence had crept up between them and dimly wondered whether part of the Super Soldier Serum’s affect was to turn all of those around Steve into blithering idiots, because he couldn’t bear to think that it was only him.

“I, uh, is that okay?”  He stuttered out, shyly.

“Still got it.” Tony said to no one in particular, but he felt the need to get the comment out there, because how often did  _Captain America_  come onto you? Really?  His life was fucking awesome.

“I don’t understand.” Steve looked at him, his face marred with concern.

“That’s sometimes what makes you so awesome.”  Tony acknowledged, smiling easily.

“I’m awesome?”  Steve asked and took a step closer to the shorter man.

“12000 twitter followers can’t be wrong.”  The wisecrack followed off his tongue and he felt moderately better about his previous inability to form a coherent sentence.

“Actually its 136000 now.”  Tony cocked an eyebrow but Steve just shrugged it off.

“So Darcy probably hates me now?”  There might have been an element of smugness in his tone but at that moment Tony really didn’t give a shit, because he was still reeling from the knowledge that Steve was attracted to him.

“No more than she did before.”  Tony laughed, even though the comment wasn’t all that funny, because everything Steve had said since his little confession made him fill with inexplicable glee.

“I’m surprised she’s still talking to you, if you came and asked me how to get to Darcy then I’d be pissed at you.”  Tony supplied, since he was now able to claim victory over the world in all things.

“Darcy’s cool...” he looked unsure of his usage of the word but Tony nodded encouragingly, taking a step closer to the Captain so that they were so close that he could feel the heat rising off Steve’s body.  Steve smiled slightly, before he continued. “Besides I think she’s moved on to Hawk now...” The tone was nonchalant but Tony made a mental note of that information for blackmailing purposes.  “She was really helpful in...” Steve gestured towards him, and instinctively he took a step closer so that their bodies were inches away.  Tony made secondary mental note, to be nicer to the student.

“So I’m here, and you’re already half-naked.” Tony smiled; this was the kind of situation he was very good at.  Even, apparently, when he was trying to get on a Super Soldier.

“Darcy said that no one could resist me dressed like this...” there was no arrogance in his tone, which Tony found oddly refreshing.  “But maybe I should I put on a shirt.”

“God no!” Tony countered. “And for the record do you know whether Miss Lewis has a job lined up after she graduates, because I have a feeling that she would make an excellent addition to my staff.”  Steve laughed slightly, and briefly looked very young... almost too young, which was kind of ironic given the fact that he was over ninety years old.

“So, uh, what now?”  Steve’s voice hitched and Tony was momentarily lost in the deep pools of blue that he had never truly recognized Steve’s eyes to be.

He looked up for a few moments longer, before he leant up and placed an impossibly delicate kiss on the Captain’s plump lips. It was a kiss he hadn’t really realized how much he wanted until the opportunity had arisen, but it tasted just as he thought it should, all minty and clean and just so damn perfect that it couldn’t be anyone other than Steve.

“That was...” Steve wracked his brain trying to think of the best way of describing it. “Fuck.”  Tony laughed, low and loud, at both the profanity (that still sounded so strange coming from Steve) and the deep blush that spread across his cheeks.

“I’d love to, but how about we go on an actual date first.”  He retorted.

“I’ll even wear a shirt,” Steve nodded in agreement.

“Good. There’s nothing better than the anticipation of unwrapping the perfect gift.”  He grinned, not even caring that he sounded like a chick in a bad romantic comedy.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one that’s full of clichés?”  Evidently Steve was more astute than he had given him credit for, because he had picked up on the chick flick comment as well, but the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth was enough to make him feel like more of a man than he had done in a long time.

“What can I say; you bring out my inner Valley Girl?”

“I’m not sure what that means.”  Steve admitted, and Tony laughed, leaning up to plant another kiss against his lips.

“You’ve got me struck dumb with affection, take it as a positive.”  He pulled back and was gifted with another brilliant smile from the Captain, which was just about the best thing to happen to him.

“Tony Stark does have a heart.”  Steve’s voice was light, but he smiled with ease.

“Yeah,” Tony smirked, “so I’ve been told.”


End file.
